Return to Vancouver

It's noon and I've been up since 2am this morning.  I pulled a 24 hour day and hoped that I would get some good rest when I tucked in at 11pm last night....but not a chance.  I was blinking in the middle of the night wishing it was already breakfast.  I watched episodes of LOST on my iPhone to pass the time and keep my mind off the depression of missing Andy.  

Yesterday was a surreal day, I felt like i was in a daze, like it was a dream and in reality none of it was actually happening.  When Andy and I parted at the airport it still didn't feel real, and although I wept through a few packs of tissues it just felt so strange that we would be apart. 

It's time I should be showered and dressed but since I'm home alone and my boxes aren't arriving today I have decided to crawl back into bed.  It's half 8 at night back in Bournemouth and right about now I'd be starting to cook dinner.  I only now just had a bowl of soup for lunch and hope to get the motivation to unpack my suitcase.  I haven't touched my bags since I arrived.  I have a sad case of blues.

It's always good to be home, and it feels good to have a place to rest.  I need it, I'm feeling run down from the last few weeks of moving.  I know once I'm over the jet lag I'll get into a routine.  At the moment, I honestly don't even know where to start.  I'm home bound at the moment, I dont' know where my house key is and I don't have my license back from the DVLA yet, let alone a car to drive around.  My brother is coming around this afternoon and I'm looking forward to some more company.  He just moved into his new place and him and Lisa have been in the same mode as me and AK.  Moving is big job, and getting it just right how you like it takes time.

Amy called me this morning and it was so lovely to catch up with her and share stories about life and what we experience.  I miss that in my friendships.  She and I have always had a special connection and it's great to hear her perspective on things.  It's brightened up my day as we've planned to see each other on Sunday and spend some time together after church.  I'm looking forward to church as well, it's been some time since i've been to a service.  Bethany is also in town so I think the 3 of us will be able to catch up together over the weekend.

I met an older lady on the plane who sat next to me, her name was Maryanne.  I think we were meant to sit next to each other, she was a real comfort as I was pretty sad when I left Gatwick.  She told me about her life, her marriage of 51 years, of her daughter dying of cancer at 38, of her own battle with cancer and operations, and how she loves life and takes each day with thanks and gratitude.  She told me she was Christian and that was the foundation of her joy.  She also told me that life may take away something from you, but will replace it with something else.  We shared some stories where this has happened, and she said to me that what I was going through right now would work out just fine.  

It's hard not being home with Andy, and continuing to set up the house there.  In my mind I am still thinking of all that needs to be done, my mental checklist in hand.  I haven't fully embraced being home(in van) yet, which is partly why i haven't unpacked.   I miss my life with him, our life.  It's weird to be home alone, not working, and with no plan at the moment.  I feel almost guilty for taking the time out while others carry out their responsibilities.

sigh.........