Return to Vancouver

It's noon and I've been up since 2am this morning.  I pulled a 24 hour day and hoped that I would get some good rest when I tucked in at 11pm last night....but not a chance.  I was blinking in the middle of the night wishing it was already breakfast.  I watched episodes of LOST on my iPhone to pass the time and keep my mind off the depression of missing Andy.  

Yesterday was a surreal day, I felt like i was in a daze, like it was a dream and in reality none of it was actually happening.  When Andy and I parted at the airport it still didn't feel real, and although I wept through a few packs of tissues it just felt so strange that we would be apart. 

It's time I should be showered and dressed but since I'm home alone and my boxes aren't arriving today I have decided to crawl back into bed.  It's half 8 at night back in Bournemouth and right about now I'd be starting to cook dinner.  I only now just had a bowl of soup for lunch and hope to get the motivation to unpack my suitcase.  I haven't touched my bags since I arrived.  I have a sad case of blues.

It's always good to be home, and it feels good to have a place to rest.  I need it, I'm feeling run down from the last few weeks of moving.  I know once I'm over the jet lag I'll get into a routine.  At the moment, I honestly don't even know where to start.  I'm home bound at the moment, I dont' know where my house key is and I don't have my license back from the DVLA yet, let alone a car to drive around.  My brother is coming around this afternoon and I'm looking forward to some more company.  He just moved into his new place and him and Lisa have been in the same mode as me and AK.  Moving is big job, and getting it just right how you like it takes time.

Amy called me this morning and it was so lovely to catch up with her and share stories about life and what we experience.  I miss that in my friendships.  She and I have always had a special connection and it's great to hear her perspective on things.  It's brightened up my day as we've planned to see each other on Sunday and spend some time together after church.  I'm looking forward to church as well, it's been some time since i've been to a service.  Bethany is also in town so I think the 3 of us will be able to catch up together over the weekend.

I met an older lady on the plane who sat next to me, her name was Maryanne.  I think we were meant to sit next to each other, she was a real comfort as I was pretty sad when I left Gatwick.  She told me about her life, her marriage of 51 years, of her daughter dying of cancer at 38, of her own battle with cancer and operations, and how she loves life and takes each day with thanks and gratitude.  She told me she was Christian and that was the foundation of her joy.  She also told me that life may take away something from you, but will replace it with something else.  We shared some stories where this has happened, and she said to me that what I was going through right now would work out just fine.  

It's hard not being home with Andy, and continuing to set up the house there.  In my mind I am still thinking of all that needs to be done, my mental checklist in hand.  I haven't fully embraced being home(in van) yet, which is partly why i haven't unpacked.   I miss my life with him, our life.  It's weird to be home alone, not working, and with no plan at the moment.  I feel almost guilty for taking the time out while others carry out their responsibilities.

sigh.........

Before and After

Sometimes during the journey it's so hard to tell, but Before and After photos show you how far you've come and that it was worth it!

Stress and Fear- End of the Financial Year

As it's the end of the financial year for most companies, I have been witnessing levels of stress from people all around me. Many are falling sick, some are in horrible moods, and others are having trouble sleeping, eating, or eating too much. People are worried. Worried about the Global Financial Crisis....if they'll have a job, if their business will survive, if they can pay their rent, feed their kids, heat their homes. The tone of the country is not happy, and many look at the future wanting to be optimistic, but watch the world crumble around them. I felt it is a good time to touch on the topic of stress.

Stress

Definition: Stress is a biological term which refers to the consequences of the failure of a human or animal body to respond appropriately to emotional or physical threats to the organism, whether actual or imagined. It is "the autonomic response to environmental stimulus."

It includes a state of alarm and adrenaline production, short-term resistance as a coping mechanism, and exhaustion. It refers to the inability of a human or animal body to respond. Common stress symptoms include irritability, muscular tension, inability to concentrate and a variety of physical reactions, such as headaches and accelerated heart rate.

Fear

Definition: Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain.

BUT- The one thing that causes us more stress than anything else is our imagination when we use it to anticipate the worst things that could possibly happen. The trouble is, the body can’t distinguish between an actual emergency / threat that’s here right now, and one which exists only in our minds. Whether the threat is real or imagined the body’s “fight or flight” response is triggered and a series of changes take place in our body.

FEAR = Fantasy Expressed As Reality

Adrenaline is released which gives us large amounts of short term energy to deal with the emergency, our senses are heightened and we react more quickly (including having a short fuse), our muscles tense, breathing becomes shallower and blood pressure rises - we are primed for action.
If that energy isn’t discharged then what you are left with is a state of tension which can have adverse mental and physical effects. The longer you live with that, the more potentially serious the consequences are - including such things as fatigue, high blood pressure, migraines, ulcers, chronic diarrhoea, and much else.

In modern society stress is considered normal, acceptable.
Fear is considered normal and acceptable that fear has so many clinical phobia names for itself!
Doctors come up with new names all the time.

Some stress is necessary, it drives us, keeps us on our toes.
Some fears are healthy, necessary for protection and common sense.

Take a time out and think about fears that are stressing you for no good reason. We have to wake up, be aware, take action and fight these negative influences that bombard us from every direction, the news, radio, tv, even film. Life does not have to be this way. It is not as bad as you "think."
You have the power to conquer your fear, your stress, and to heal your body.
We need to change our perspective. Me included.

Weekend in Hampshire

These are my mates, Morty, Melek, and Rupert....who all belong to my wonderful and dear friend Dilek. I had a really enjoyable weekend with her at her house in Hampshire. I don't get enough time with friends these days, but it was memorable and so precious. The weekend was lovely and sunny. The clocks changed too and we could feel Spring in the air. I love her so much, and her little schnauzer team!! I will certainly miss them all when I go back to Vancouver x. I also caught up on my book called Breakthrough, which I am totally in love with. In it, the book talks about the balance of our hormones, and what happens when we are out of balance. I am getting checked out when I return to Canada as I am now coming off BCP for the first time in 16 years. I'm on a mission to continue cleansing my body of chemicals and other nasties. We are bombarded by so much pollution in our air, water and food. What is normal these days really shouldn't be accepted as normal. If I die, I want to go out feeling as alive as I can. I never want to grow up, or grow old. Breakthrough medicine is defying the rules of aging. We no longer have to grow old and be sick, crazy, or unhealthy. I want to create a good life, a life I can be proud of, and a life full of vitality.

Change

I am going to run a series of before and after photos of the house. This is where all spare time and energy has gone, if it has not been for the flat or work or training. I am becoming a slightly better sport with DIY, and I am not sure if the bathrooms will be ready in time for move in, on Good Friday. I hope it will be a Good Friday. It is fast approaching and there is so much to do!